Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

Redneck WeddingTIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS        
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
 
3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 

 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. 
  

DINING OUT 
      
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. 
   
       
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 

    
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. 

  
  
 PERSONAL HYGIENE 
     
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
 

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. 

Magazines.com, Inc.    

 DATING (Outside the Family) 
      
1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.”

3. Establish with her parents  what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say “Monday.”  If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

4. Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, “ya’ll sure don’t sweat much for a fat broad.” 
     
        
WEDDINGS 
 
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 

5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack. 

DRIVING ETIQUETTE 

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is  impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. 
      
   
        
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER 
     
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records

13 Comments

Filed under Redneck Life

13 responses to “Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

  1. Destinee

    This is so funny. The things said on here is probably something that would go on in my little town of GRAND SALINE TEXAS…the true definition of a little hick town!

  2. Terry Glenn

    man dis thang is racist gaint em done us redneck. wes proud of what we ares and i tell you what we aint takin dis crap no more. redneck. we is the heart of dis land!!!!! YEE HAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Alexis poppi rayburn

    Thats actually bullshit!…I live in a little town in Kentucky called morehead and im pretty sure all our rednecks ain’t like that “missing all there teeth and all DNA the same!” this whole stereotype thing ain’t funny…its shit like this that give rednecks that picture!

  4. i like these manner thingys. i could give it to my southern friends-redneck is too personal lol

  5. Roxy

    If rednecks are the heart of this land, I don’t want to see the arteries.

  6. munchkin

    I dunno why people get so defensive, I’m considered a redneck, so is my family and we find these things hilarious. People just need to get thicker skin. Besides, I dont know why you’d read it if you find redeck stuff offensive…. It clearly states its a freakin redneck joke.

  7. Ajax

    You all need to Relax and laugh out loud with this stuff…I bet you have no problem stereotyping other races! Honey, yu all ain’t perfect! Embrace your culture and Breath Deeply!!!
    disclaimer: don’t forget to exhale

  8. Now that’s some great redneck stuff!

  9. Mandy

    Well im a city girl and I thought it was pretty funny, and
    I think all you “red necks” should take it in and laugh at
    it and not take it so personal.

  10. Haley

    Lol. That is so true! Like how Alexis poppi rayburn said. “Ain’t”…
    bad case of redneck :P

  11. OMG I have found my calling in life. I am going to become a redneck. :D

  12. Mikayla

    rednecks think this aint funny but everybody else likes it.

  13. redneck

    JUST LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

    this cracked me up

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